After it was announced that TU students broke the record for the largest letter formed out of human bodies, Guinness discovered the university had actually surpassed two world-records, with the latter being the most subpar record in human history.
Guinness representative Willis Andrews told reporters, “We were pretty certain this was the most lowball stunt anybody had ever attempted.”
Andrews flipped through a slide of more impressive feats, such as Oldest Male Stripper and Longest Trading Card Marathon.
“But we didn’t want to say anything until we confirmed it. It would be pretty insensitive for us to get your hopes up only to dash them,” Andrews continued his statement with visible hostility. “After all, you guys put so much effort into this attempt.”
Student Oscar Jonas commented on the situation, “Honestly, I just came for the free t-shirt, and I’m pretty sure that’s true for most of us out here.” Jonas was reportedly pretty surprised by the news. “I knew that we were doing very little, but I had no idea it was this insignificant.”
When asked if they feel proud at all of these two accomplishments, the university preferred not to make any comment.