University students prepare for semester of tears and anxiety

After spending his entire summer working a retail job six days a week, University of Tulsa sophomore Stephen Samson notified the State-Run Media that he is “really excited” to start the new semester.

Samson expressed his anticipation at the prospect of a new source for his daily anxiety. Between nagging customers and exhaustive hours spent taking stock after work, the idea of sleepless nights spent at the school library “started to sound really inviting,” said the 20 year-old biochem major.

“Work was fun in the beginning,” reports Samson, “But around the middle of July I found myself counting the days till the start of the fall semester… I’m really looking forward to having a new source of all my stress.”

Samson announced that, like the stress from his summer job, he will let the semester’s tension and dread build up slowly over the course of a few weeks. “I’m starting off the semester with a new determination,” he told State-Run correspondents, “but I know that by the middle of September I’ll be too disillusioned to even care.”

At that point, Samson reports he will “just have to hold out for next semester” to renew his willpower.

Post Author: tucollegian

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