Tensions have been escalating between two global superpowers, Target and Wal-Mart, throughout the ongoing “Christmas Tree Crisis.”
Conflict on the issue was re-ignited when Target spies reported a shipment of Christmas trees being shipped to a local Wal-Mart in downtown Tulsa, five days before the international treatise on Global Holiday Decorations would allow such a shipment to be made.
The GHD treaty states that “All Christmas decorations must wait until the first week of November to be prominently displayed in any Wal-Mart, Target, or department store”. The Wal-Mart shipment violated the treaty, sparking outrage among Target stores nationwide. Target CEO Brian Cornell denounced Wal-Mart in an emergency press conference, and ordered a full-scale blockade of Wal-Marts throughout the nation.
In an exclusive interview with the State-Run Media, the lone Wal-Mart has made no mention that they plan on turning back, and rumors have begun circulating that Target has a full fleet of trucks fueled up and loaded to the brim with trees, wreaths, wrapping paper and other holiday decorations. The situation looks grim as Target prepares to release this force onto America’s populace, spiraling us down into a hell-hole of cheery songs of elves and talking reindeer.
The high tensions between these two superpowers have bubbled up over years of decoration-based controversy. Back when both stores had just begun discovering the incredible power of decorations, all holidays were represented equally. Customers could see Halloween baubles, Shamrock placemats, and Thanksgiving plates all at the appropriate times of year. However, one season of decorations outsold them all: The might of pointless Christmas-themed items designed to do nothing more than take up useless space in your already cramped house was not to be reckoned with. And so Wal-Mart and Target optimized, selling the Christmas thingamabobs earlier and earlier each year.
This conflict reached an all-time high in 2008, when stores began displaying Christmas decorations year-round. This led to an intervention from the National Council on Decorative Products, wherein the two parties entered into weeks-long negotiations. Wal-Mart and Target reached an agreement with the GHD treaty, which established guidelines for when various decorations can, and cannot, be sold.
In the years since, though, the stores have slowly been pushing their luck, ultimately leading to the current crisis. With Wal-Mart and Target both selling Christmas decorations earlier, we may soon see a full-on war.
