We aren’t a party school, we swear

A toast to liquified school spirit!
Nothing says school spirit like drinking on a Monday. Or at least that seems to be what Eric Flores thinks with his weekly boozy campus wide events. He truly knows how to boost the campus morale and increase student involvement with two whole drink tickets.
You have all probably heard of liquid courage, but have you heard of TU’s liquor… I mean liquid… spirit? Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with enjoying a good Thirsty Thursday before entering a binge drinking weekend. Well, nothing could prepare the students for the Homecoming vision of Margarita Mondays, Booze Day Tuesdays and Wasted Wednesdays in addition to the basic and simple Thirsty Thursdays we are all familiar with.
As promised, Carson did in fact bring the direly needed pumpkin spice lattes to the campus of TU with the addition of the Starbucks winter menu. Its grand opening struck the students with awe at the final reveal we had all long been awaiting. Carson unveiled the largest Starbucks in the state of Oklahoma, but the grandeur does not stop there. If you inquire about the well known Starbucks secret menu, TU students of legal age can acquire an even more special type of shot in their drinks. Because there truly is no better way to start your morning than adding a shot of “TU spirit” in your Starbucks latte before heading to your classes. And besides, who doesn’t want an extra shot of liquid courage before diving into the cavernous depths of Keplinger.
While the school may fall short on communication, displaying its resources, updating dorms, ensuring its professors respect student accommodations and appropriately allocating its funding, TU is good at maintaining great lawn care and rising in the ranks of Niche’s now seventh party school in the state of Oklahoma. The students on campus must be equally as shocked by our rise in the Niche party ranks, but perhaps it’s due to our week-long campus-spirit-building-drinking-benders we call events? Campus may not know how to improve things for the current population of students, but it sure does know how to keep the party going. Maybe with this rise in party ranking we will also contribute to the rise in our ranks of sexually transmitted infections at The University of Tulsa once again — considering that in May, Fox News reported Tulsa County to have the highest rates of sexually transmitted infections in the entirety of Oklahoma.
Regardless of these statistics, nothing beats cracking open two whole room temperature seltzers in public on campus, surrounded by envious students unable to drink. All of the light weights on campus must be living the absolute dream. Those of us unable to feel a buzz from two seltzers are left pregaming before any and all campus events to achieve the same effect. In light of that last statement, perhaps CAPS should open a weekly AA meeting to follow the predicted needs of the students.

Post Author: Jeana Brewer