TU administration assures students their mental health is definitely totally 100% a priority for someone.
The question of how student mental health affects academic performance has many components and varied opinions. This discussion often overlooks the obvious question. Why the fuck are you still struggling, we have be at this for six whole weeks? Just be happy, asshole!
What are you doing with your life? We are a whole month and a half into school and you still have not figured out how to function as a student. Jesus Christ, not only have we had a whole mental health week, but we have a student success center that definitely does something important and helpful, whatever that is. This school works so hard to help you. If you are struggling just go to the counseling center which is well-known for getting you prompt and competent assistance. At this point it is entirely your fault.
“What is it going to take to get you to take responsibility and figure your shit out?” said a representative of the Student Center for Mental Health and Support (SCMHS). They explained how much they do to insure that the students have the support system they need. For example during National Mental Health Awareness Week, they put chalk on the sidewalk, telling students to “get your shit together!” “JUST DO IT” and “Smile, you look better when you smile you worthless fuck!” What else do you expect them to do to help you when they clearly already do so much.
We reached out to the Panhellenic organization and they were quoted saying “Γιατί οι άνθρωποι μας ρωτούν πάντα για την εικόνα του σώματος και την πολιτιστική ιδιοποίηση; Προσπαθούμε απλώς να μιλήσουμε με συναδέλφους Έλληνες μετανάστες.” Their focus on mental health in their mandatory and aggressively positive instagram posts are always uplifting to their members. Why this mindset is not shared by the rest of the student body is beyond me.
The TU Office of the Assistant Provost of Student and Faculty Cognitive Maintenance Vis-a-vis Design Thinking and Entrepreneurial Behavior (TUOAPSFCMVDTEB)’s secretary commented that “I am sure someone is working day and night to ensure that this student body has all the tools they need. I am currently unsure if that is me, I don’t even know why I am here. That being said, students need to toughen the fuck up.” Once again this is a branch of the administration that works tirelessly to complete some kind of tasks to help you. God damn it, let yourself be helped!
In our final interview, a local provost explained that their “job has nothing to do with student safety or mental health. I don’t know why you are asking the Title IX office about this” when asked for comment on the laziness of the students. They explained that their primary goal consists of organizing the campus climate survey and then disposing of all traces of the results in order to prevent legal liability. “I don’t even know what area of the campus is not well lit and that question is in the survey every fucking year, never read one single response myself” joked the briefcase wielding provost chuckling to himself. They too work tirelessly to promote the welfare of their board of truste… I mean students. Show some goddamn appreciation.
