“Levit, lead pipe, Lorton.” “Which Lorton?” “Uhh, Lorton Hall.” “Oh please. Cease your endless nattering and look at this.” A…
Waving flags for a different reason
Have you ever wanted to argue with a stranger? Perhaps one of your neighbors is attempting to call down the…
Doom Over You: A Very Scary Welcome Back to TU
As the final seconds of Janet Levit’s extraordinarily strange welcome back video played out, the students who had viewed the…
Is This America?
Hello, I’m an alien visiting from the far past and far future. Time is merely a construct, eh? Anyways, I’m…
Temperature Screening: A Self-Insert Fanfiction
I bolt awake, ripping the covers away from me as my alarm shrieks in my ear. I need to stop…
Top five COVID curers Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know about
The cure to the ‘Rona is closer than you might think! 1. My Chemical Romance Fans – Band MCR recently…
Megachurch pastor worries for Jesus’ pocketbook
Osteen is concerned congregation won’t empty their pockets for God. When Lakewood Church closed its doors to the public in…
Nintendo did COVID-19
The video game giant created the global pandemic to increase “Animal Crossing” sales. The people deserve to know the truth…
Hannah’s declassified home survival guide
Tip three will get you through social distancing guaranteed. As campus rules get more strict with who can come and…
CORONAVIRUS: Pence decides who lives and who dies
Trump has promoted his VP to Virus Spreader-in-Chief. Vice Supreme Leader Michael Pence has been named the CEO of Coronavirus,…