The Bleacher Creature
Who is A? Find out on this week’s edition of the Chicago Bulls
Do you remember when you were in middle school and always wondered when that moment would happen that would transform you from a kid into an adult? And then when you hit about sixteen or so you saw something that made you realize that it was never going to happen? Well, Generation Z NBA fans might be experiencing that very moment this week with the Twitter meltdown and ongoing collapse of the Chicago Bulls.
In case you haven’t been paying attention, here’s a quick recap: Dwyane Wade was like “Grrrr, why don’t our young guys care more that we suck?” And Jimmy Butler was all like “Yeah I know right??” And then Rajon Rondo posted to social media “Man, my veterans on the Celtics would have never posted to social media!” Then some rookies liked it. And then so did Wade. And then Butler and Wade got benched for a game. Yawn emoji.
If this all seems a bit dull that’s because it is, and maybe that’s why it feels so particularly juvenile. Since these are grown men, highly competitive professional athletes, you sort of expect a disagreement this intense to manifest itself in blows, or at least an exchange of expletives!
Instead we have a Twitter and Instagram beef with all the passive-aggressiveness of your mom telling you you don’t need to set the table, it would just be nice if she didn’t have to prepare dinner all by herself for once. That’s right kids, you never outgrow middle school.
Hats off to Matty Ice
You’re not going to hear me say a single positive thing about him in the Super Bowl preview, so let me just take this space to give Matt Ryan the respect he deserves. The former Boston College standout with the most painfully college nickname imaginable all but clinched his 2016 MVP with last weekend’s dominating victory over the Green Bay Packers.
He captained one of the best offenses in football history, threw for almost 5,000 yards and had a 38:7 TD:Int ratio.
He led the league in yards/attempt, yards/completion, quarterback rating, and QBR and outplayed his biggest rival for the award on the game’s (second) biggest stage last weekend. He deserves every individual award coming his way. Also, he sucks and is going to lose on Sunday.
[Insert Robin Williams Jumanji meme here]
Tennis viewership in the US has been down over recent years, and the Australian Open is usually the least-talked about Grand Slam anyway, since it’s almost impossible to catch any of the matches live.
So in case you weren’t paying any attention to it, you should probably know that this weekend Serena Williams beat her sister Venus for her record 23rd major title (in the Open era), while Roger Federer ousted his greatest rival Rafael Nadal in five sets to extend his own title record to 18. Also, their ages are 35, 36, 35, and 30 respectively, this is not 2009, and no, you are not having a fever dream.
That these legends of the sport can all be at the top of their games this late into their careers is unlike anything we’ve ever seen before. I’d like to give a special shout-out to Roger as well, not just because unlike Serena he is definitely not in his prime anymore, but because this may well have been the most historically important match in his career.
It ended a nearly five-year drought since he won number 17 (2012 Wimbledon), widened his Slams lead over Nadal from four to two (if Nadal had won) and made him the first man ever to win three different Grand Slams five different times.
And not only that, the madman did it while being seeded 17th because he missed six months with a knee injury, beat three opponents ranked in the top 10, and overcame Nadal — only the most physically dominant tennis player ever — 6–3 in the final set despite going down 3–1. There’s nothing else to say. GOAT.