Judge Claudia Ann Wilkin adds new condition to ruling, orders Coach Gundy to pay full salary in “eyesore” damages.
The world of college sports was recently turned upside down when a Northern California court ruled in favor of – and then promptly switched up on – two college athletes suing the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA). The case, brought forth by Arizona State University (ASU) swimmer Grant House and Texas Christian University (TCU) basketball player Sedona Phillips, was over the direct payment by the NCAA of its athletes. For the past hundred plus years, restrictions prevented the funds generated by viewership of college sports to be paid to university athletes; any payment for the commitment of student athletes had to come by way of third parties, like sponsorships and endorsements, or as the students’ scholarships.
According to House and Phillips’ case, the use of their name, image, and likenesses (NIL) without compensation was financial injury on their part, caused by the unfair restrictions of the Association. After several weeks in a Northern California US district court, Judge Claudia Ann Wilkin ruled in their favor; the verdict allowing universities to spend as much as $20.5 million per year of their sports revenue to pay their athletes, and forcing the NCAA to pay $2.7 billion in damages to all division one athletes who have competed since 2016. Shortly afterwards, however, Judge Wilkin sat down to watch the athletes she had “heard so much about in court,” fatefully selecting the University of Tulsa’s away football game against Oklahoma State University. OSU’s brutal mogging by the Hurricanes prompted her to immediately throw on her judge robes, sprint across town, break the windows to the courtroom and rush to slam the comically large “overturn” button that every courtroom has installed next to the gavel, per section 203(f) of the United States Federal Rules of Evidence.
The ensuing re-litigation included two main components. First: the new $20.5 million-per-school funding allotment for student athletes has been removed for OSU and OSU only, with any excess viewership revenue generated by their program to be paid to the University of Tulsa Athletic Department’s Lime Scooter debit account. Second: Coach Mike Gundy of the OSU Cowboys has been ordered to pay a quantity equal to his yearly salary in what Judge Wilkin has referred to as “visual injury” due to his cruel and unusual sweatiness and “looking like Sylvester Stallone with a bad perm.” This money will be paid as damages to those who had to see him not only blaspheme Baylor Hayes with his pitiful defensive linemen, but to do so with “those disgusting f***** hairplugs.”
Many concerns were raised over the decision against the NCAA, not least of which regarded Title IX and the division of funds between men’s and women’s sports. Previously, regulations were in place over the compensation and funding of women’s and men’s sports in college sports, but with this jump to professionalism, the funds allocated to the players will depend largely on the funds generated by viewership. This favors men’s sports across the board, and many activists were concerned for the effects women in sports would feel. However, thanks to what Judge Wilkins referred to as OSU’s “bum-assed defense,” which “Bayler Hayes could fold with his little sisters on O-line,” these questions are no longer of concern for Cowboys fans.
Equal opportunity is not the only issue this new legislation raised. Many have argued that this move away from amateurism is a betrayal of all that college sports stand for. Many college sports administrators, most notably the athletic director at the University of Alabama, Greg Byrne, have stated that the funds needed to pay athletes the injuncted backpay simply “don’t exist.” At OSU, however, this problem takes a backseat to the fact that their ball knowledge doesn’t exist, either. According to Wilkins, “If they want to get paid they should do something I can’t do for free. No, shut up, I genuinely believe in my heart that I can do better. This is embarrassing.”
The 19-12 home game loss to the Hurricanes is now being called “taking one for the team” by Byrne and other dissenters, although even NCAA CEO, Charlie Baker, has commented that OSU’s mauling was “hard to watch… even for saving [me] 20 mil’” Every member of the OSU Football Team, as well as their friends and families, were unavailable for comment.
