Aries (March 20-April 19th): Yeah, yeah, my job is so easy, right? Well I don’t care, I still don’t want to do it; we’ll be back with our regularly scheduled programming next week, but for now, enjoy my suggestions for the next Dracula Flow video (below):
Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): Diamond-crusted CPAP machine got sleep paralysis demon feeling some type of way, woke up to a Valentine’s card made out of Hitler’s lymph nodes.
Gemini (May 21st-June 20th): Dealer was late so we shot him with the particle accelerator. I’m smoking primo Versace microplastics out of a teflon crack pipe: I’ll beat cancer for kicks, jit, your struggles are beneath me.
Cancer: (June 21st- July 22nd): I am so full of every vice imaginable, they shipped my cologuard test as Pandora’s Box. I smoked a Camel to the filter in one breath and the smoke came out black, this ain’t nothin to me man.
Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd): Jugging overtime, I hit licks so hard it gave my St. Bernard inferiority syndrome. Put him down, then ate him with a Percocet demi-glacé, there’s four dogs in me now.
Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): I see every human being exclusively in terms of black market organ value. Broke boy’s grandma said he had a heart of gold so I bit it out and flipped it for a brick.
Libra (September 23rd-October 22nd): I beat King Tut to death with a sock full of golden drachmas, then broke into his house and smoked his weed out of a crocodile’s rectum.
Scorpio (October 23rd-November 21st): Bram Stoker? I hardly know her. Called shorty a cab short ordered from Ireland, she won’t be calling back.
Sagittarius (November 22nd- December 21st): Mythological insomnia got me movin’ like Donnie Darko. I’m lettin’ the girl die, I don’t value the lives of brokies.
Capricorn (December 22nd to January 19th): Straight gassin,’ cuttin’ to the bricks. I dog-walk these streets harder than a rhino off a honey pack, jit.
Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th): Blood diamonds aren’t enough, every piece of jewelry I own has a human soul in it. Flexed on a brokie with Nelson Mandela and his head caved in. This shit ain’t nothin to me man.
Pisces (February 19th-March 19th): Smokin that plutonium pogo pack, I’m not in the files cause I don’t go to lame parties. I circumnavigated the globe on bath salts, I’ll kill you you stupid piece of garbage. Just injected a pound of fluoride straight to the ocular lobe —- they can’t stop me, I don’t even know how to stop myself.
