Another week, another edition of the Weekly Yak. At this point, The Writer is wondering whether they are a student journalist or simply an unpaid archivist of the campus community’s worst moments. Either way, thank you to everyone who reads this column.
Students dressed up this Halloweekend as all sorts of terrifying things: ghosts, vampires, campus security officers, serial killers — the usual. Personally, though, the scariest thing on campus right now is being a senior looking at the job market. Don’t worry, though, the University of Tulsa administration has announced a new initiative to improve student morale! Now we know where that 9% went. Starting next semester, all Yik Yak complaints receiving 121 upvotes or more will be directed to the newly established Office of Student Feedback, headed up by the director of orientation and transitional programs. The complaints will be printed, laminated and promptly ignored. Dean of students Debbie Chalmers, in a joint statement with President Stacy Leeds, said that “the administration believes this is a major step forward in its commitment to listening to students.” A Collegian journalist attempted to ask how this program would be run now that the director of orientation and transitional programs has been fired, but was ignored.
Lastly, the campus community was shocked to learn that TU students are unhappy with administration. Well, one unnamed administrator, in particular, whose title may or may not rhyme with “mean cough prudence.” Sorry, is that really surprising at this point? The real shocker is that there was a smattering of positive reviews of our success coaches amongst the vitriol. Surely Yik Yak having a positive moment the week of enrollment is unheard of. Hopefully you all will have similarly positive feelings about this week’s Yak. Without further ado, here are the top Yaks from the week of Oct. 26:
“soberween wasn’t terrible”
“I am not eating that lambda pizza”
“TSA just let an academic weapon through”
“Foucaultpilled rousseaumaxxing on these lockean mfs”
“I really gotta start getting out more so I don’t have to tell my kids I met their dad on hinge or f*ckin Snapchat”
“Handing out alanis when they should be handing out white claws”
“Dressing up as Debbie tomorrow so I can shut down every party I walk into”
“Just watched someone on a scooter ride past me and give me a little flirty look, then proceed to drive into the side of a stationary car and fall off.
My day has been made.”
“I really want to start a revolution but I have too much bread to eat and too many circuses to go to”
“Why is emailing financial aid less helpful then googling my question?”
“Give the scooters to womens soccer this week football can walk”
If you didn’t make it into this edition, don’t fret! The Writer will continue until graduation. Speaking of which, it’s looking really bad right now. Apparently, the dean of students is requiring all students to attend a frat party once in order to graduate. I don’t think I can put myself through seeing more Lambdas than I already have to in my classes.
See you next week. As always, free Palestine.
– The Writer
