Students forego igloo land acknowledgement, now it’s melting. What will leftists come for next?
After promoting the great hoax of climate change for many years now, citing “troves of scientific research done over decades,” they have finally gone one step too far. This week, a beloved igloo has been melted, no doubt by radical liberal activists.
The igloo, which had appeared on Dietler Commons during the snowstorm, started showing signs of attack last week. After the weather conveniently warmed up, some holes appeared in the roof. Soon, the whole structure seemed to be shrinking. This came after a few days of the liberals working the media, talking about scientific signals that the weather was going to warm up and that the snow was about to clear.
The holes started appearing exactly one day after the builders chose not to perform a land acknowledgement statement. In response to this, the wokes evidently sent out their elite strike team to make a statement. Dressed, almost certainly, in full drag and roller-blading out to Dietler Commons — probably blasting some anti-traditional music, like “Pink Pony Club” — they must have made quick work of the igloo, poking holes in it and undermining the structural integrity of the walls. They must have then dug some sort of underground tunnel network, placing space heaters underneath the igloo, as it quickly started to melt away during the day.
The most audacious part, however, is their insistence that this was not a deliberate attack against a wonderful piece of art but instead a “natural cycle” that was “beyond their control.” Not even an hour after the destruction was discovered they already had a statement prepared, lamenting the “terrible loss of beauty that was, unfortunately, lost to merely external and normal causes.” Even after a shadowy footage taken by a drug dealer which clearly shows somebody walking by the igloo, the liberals merely claimed that “that video shows no evidence that we participated in an attack,” pseudo-intellectually citing a Sora watermark in the corner of the frame.
This comes in the face of a wide-ranging front by liberals to try to make the world “politically correct.” Just last summer, for instance, they tried to push rhetoric about how sunscreen and tops should be used to prevent possible skin cancer. Knowing that they themselves were wimps, they tried to normalize their sensitivity and push it on the rest of us. They even tried to do this to chicken and beef a few years back, making the idiotic claim that imprisoning these animals and making them live in their own filth, with no sunlight or any type of freedom, was harmful and despicable, when people have been working in cubicles for years with no adverse side effects.
In essence, this latest travesty is nothing more than an additional step in a long-lasting effort by the liberals to “wokify” us. A day of mourning will be set for the igloo, which, unfortunately, melted right in front of countless snowpeople and children. As always, give them your thoughts, prayers and monetary donations through the State-Run Media’s convenient giving page. The builders are even expected to make an appearance at the funeral, although it is distinctly possible that the same social justice warrior terrorists might be planning another attack at the funeral, most likely with glitter bombs and opinionated signs.
Though university Commander-in-Chief Rick Dickson has not yet responded to the State-Run Media’s emails about this dangerous conspiracy, a small militia of students who still remember family values, law and order and the second amendment are on standby to react with appropriately excessive force should any protesters arrive to stir the pot. If you want to join them, a link below will take you to a parlor group, which contains a link to a 4chan thread, which contains the QR code to their GroupMe.
As lame-stream media like “the weather channel” floods you with woke moralist propaganda, you may begin to wonder if this shadow team of radical left nutjobs even exists, let alone is responsible for the destruction of the igloo. That’s exactly what these Commie rats want you to think, though. Stay strong, patriots. We the people are exactly as under-attack as you have always fantasized about.
