The lawn Roombas get a taste for blood. Administration doesn’t care, but what else is new? In August, TU bought…
Queen’s death jarring for U.S. politicians
Numerous governmental officials in the United States have begun acting upon impulse in a moment paralysing the U.K. Article republished…
Sororities pledge to better support brunettxs
TU Panhellenic Council pledges to work towards a future with more hair color diversity, frats protest. Ever working towards a…
Okay, but which religion is right?
First-year student getting confused as to which campus ministry group they need to join to avoid eternal damnation. Picture this:…
Student guide to using crystals the right way
Local crystal girl shares her expertise because your aura is seriously fucked up. If you’re looking for love this semester,…
Best and worst study spots on campus
As the esteemed satire editor at The Collegian, I would like to welcome all first-year students to our quirky little…
Talks of remodeling Kendall Hall stirs Phantom of the Opera homing crisis—oh, and… He’s shirtless?
Guess what? I’m doing it, and you can’t stop me! What are you going to do? Pry the Phantom of…
TU Hurricane Spotlight: the vaguely threatening chalk messages around campus
At this point in the semester, things usually seem eerily quiet as the storm of finals draws nearer. Recently, however,…
Five tips to deal psychic damage to your local congressman
With finals season approaching, it’s best to know what petty actions you can take. American elected officials are ideally supposed…
TU’s Springfest headliner announced: your mom
Yes, you read correctly. Your mother will headline this year’s Springfest. Springfest is an incredibly important annual tradition on TU…