Honestly, they’re kind of boring with their whole “woe is me, my body has decomposed into the sands of time…
My fraternity is morally (but also financially) bankrupt
Dad, if you are reading, please send money. Listen, I know. Fraternities are tools for status quo maintenance by maintaining…
Driller Update: not enough
Though we have seen concessions, we must stay vigilant If you have watched the news this week, you will have…
Brave professor declares Wingdings font mandatory in student essays
Professor assures students no college professors will ever ask them to use a font other than Wingdings Professor assures students…
Letter to the editor: how the mighty have fallen
Art is dead, and we do ourselves no favors in erasing the last vestiges of the Renaissance. To anyone who…
Mandatory alcohol training inspires drinking game
The mandatory training on alcohol safety is due next Wednesday. Here’s a new training-based drinking game to get you through…
Governor Stitt bans alcohol, legalizes recreational LSD, weed and shrooms
Kevin Stitt shocks the state of Oklahoma with the legalization of Schedule 1 drugs and his insistence that “only pussies…
Student who hasn’t done the reading “just piggybacking off of that”
Great day for underclassmen everywhere: big words do equal participation credit. According to inside sources, a student productively added to…
Horoscopes
Come get your horoscope! Aries – Eek! Blasted warlock sentenced you to the Dream Realm; the purple haze and its…
‘Phantom feces’ case remains unsolved
Most fecal matter in doggie doo station on campus are from a single, unlocated northern white rhino. On Sept. 18,…