Aries (March 20-April 19th): You guys really didn’t know about Bubba? It must be so weird not having clairvoyance, I’ve…
Democrats move to put government in rice after turning off, on again fails
Consultant Roy Trenneman at Reynholm Industries explains reasons for failure. After turning the government off for a record-breaking 42 days,…
Horoscopes
Aries (March 20-April 19th): I don’t care what the editors say; I’m abusing the semicolon key till it breaks off…
Chair moved in Starbucks: 5 deaf 12 injured
Hurricane health center overwhelmed with burst-eardrum cases. FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 7th, paramedics arrived at the University of Tulsa’s Starbucks franchise in…
Report: Real bribe was the friends we made along the way
While claims of $100 million were falsified, an incentive you can’t put a price on was proposed. In a new…
Horoscopes
Aries (March 20-April 19th): I can’t lie, this week is gonna be rough. Your chakras are all due to lock…
TU to receive 100% of power from Professor Drever, elliptical by 2027
Budget slashes force professor and associate dean to take on third position as power source. Gym-going students at the University…
Real bribe was the friends we made along the way
While claims of $100 million were falsified, an incentive you can’t put a price on was proposed. In a new…
Horoscopes
Aries (March 20-April 19th): The stars see all comings and goings, and even they can’t tell you how that gecko…
TU reveals ‘new, improved’ Goldie
Administration rejoices over new cost-effective mascot. If you’ve paid attention to TU recently, you may have noticed a common outcry…