Brand new Springfest event takes student body by storm, ends in tragedy.
On Tuesday, March 10, the Student Activities Board hosted their second Springfest event of the year, “Party Like It’s 2016.” Pop music from the era, a variety of neon beverages and Just Dance 2016 clips were assembled for TU students to celebrate how the world was 10 years ago since no one wants to think about how it is now.
To say this party was a success would be an understatement. The turnout was more than anyone could have imagined. As doors opened at 6:00 p.m., nearly 30 people rushed to the Allen Chapman Student Union’s second floor Great Hall. One student was quoted as saying “I love pizza and wings,” most likely referencing the free food available at the event, but I hesitate to make any assumptions. Even campus superstars made appearances. Figures such as “Shark Therapy Guy,” the guy who rides around on a one wheel in a black button-up, slacks, a black cowboy hat and red tie, and “the one buff Asian in KA” were reportedly seen dancing along to Twenty-One Pilots as tens of students poured downstairs to make slime.
Tables were set up between Gus T’s and Sol Cantina to receive the eager throng, replete with glue, slime activator and dye. Students could revert to a simpler time in their life, back when their biggest problem was that they didn’t get to play the drums in 6th grade band class and were forced to play the trumpet instead.
Unfortunately at 7:00 p.m., a horrible accident occurred. Makayla Crownover, a junior, was reaching across a table to try and steal another student’s slime when her elbow bumped over a 300-gallon container of slime activator, dumping it across the union. As this substance crept its way into Gus T’s Italian Kitchen, it began to bind with the large stores of glue the eatery uses to keep the cheese on their pizzas, creating enormous amounts of slime. Students were evacuated as the slime took over the entirety of Gus T’s, absorbing its employees and killing them instantly. The slime continued to grow and spread, taking over Sushi Blu, Sol Cantina, Subway and Chick-fil-a. Oddly enough, the sticky, green mass never spread to the second floor, leaving the pizza and wings in the great hall entirely unharmed. The slime trapped everyone on the second floor with no hopes of escape. Thankfully, SAB ordered nearly 50 pizzas and 300 wings for the event, enough to feed the people there for days.
As the slime filled every last square inch of ACAC’s first floor, the windows shattered and the slime began to pour out into the surrounding areas. Fortunately, campus police acted fast, redirecting all of the slime towards Keplinger Hall. As the slime moved towards the building, students held their breath in anticipation of the stench-ridden structure finally meeting its end, but no such end occurred; the substance stopped just short of the exterior wall, seemingly recognizing the building as a bio-hazardous threat, and retreated.
With nowhere left to spread, the slime’s growth stopped, and clean-up crews began to remove the sticky substance from ACAC. Regrettably, TU outsourced the slime removal to the City of Tulsa, which simply redirected the contractors working on the university’s streets, stunting the already painfully slow street rehabilitation project. As a result, ACAC is projected to be slime free by June 1, 2029, with crews working overtime that summer to replace the restaurants and return the building to use. Those stuck on the second floor of the building remain trapped, including the campus celebrities previously mentioned. It is unclear whether a rescue will be attempted or if they are lost forever.
For the time being, Pat Case Dining Center has been rebranded as Gus T’s Italian Kitchen 2, and all meals have been replaced by square pizza and cold noodles with sauce that is somehow too thick and too watery at the same time. Until ACAC returns to its former glory over the summer of 2029, all students are encouraged to spend their meal swipes at Gus T’s 2 as it is the only remaining dining option on campus. Hopefully, no one spills 300 gallons of activator in their kitchen, which now holds ten times more glue than the original.
Photo taken in the aftermath of Tuesday’s incident. Graphic by Aiden Hoogstra.
