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University Bookstore improves from 110% to 115% efficiency
Posted in Satire The State-Run Media

University Bookstore improves from 110% to 115% efficiency

on 7 September 20265 September 2026

Textbook wait time hits a record nine hour low thanks to Tulsa’s lifelong ally Barnes and Noble. Doubleplusgood news as…

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Horoscopes
Posted in Satire The State-Run Media

Horoscopes

on 31 August 202615 September 2026

Aries (March 20th-April 19th): This semester will be one of great growth for you, Aries — specifically under your left…

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An Old Testament goodbye for Gus T’s Italian Kitchen
Posted in Satire The State-Run Media

An Old Testament goodbye for Gus T’s Italian Kitchen

on 31 August 202631 August 2026

Italian-American student at the University of Tulsa invokes the wrath of God against the menu of the controversial campus eatery.…

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TU tuition drops significantly after City of Gold finally discovered.
Posted in Satire The State-Run Media

TU tuition drops significantly after City of Gold finally discovered.

on 31 August 202631 August 2026

Opinions on campus are mixed after shocking revelation. This summer, after centuries of searching, the immortal conquistador and the University…

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What to do when you get bored next week
Posted in Freshman Edition The State-Run Media

What to do when you get bored next week

on 26 August 202631 August 2026

Which will probably happen at like, 3 p.m. on a Thursday The freshness of college will likely grow rotten over…

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Unwritten rules of college
Posted in Freshman Edition The State-Run Media

Unwritten rules of college

on 25 August 202631 August 2026

…That students at TU might need written out Welcome to the University of Tulsa, class of 2030, and welcome back…

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Horoscopes
Posted in Satire The State-Run Media

Horoscopes

on 29 April 2026

Aries (March 20-April 19th): As Saturn approaches, you must fight the growing urge to eat refrigerator magnets. Indeed, they would…

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Fisher Suites dissolves after humid spell
Posted in Satire The State-Run Media

Fisher Suites dissolves after humid spell

on 29 April 2026

HAZMAT teams work to remove biohazards from Gaming Living Learning Community ruins. On Sunday, April 26, following a hot and…

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TU’s 2026 Battle of the Bands lineup
Posted in Satire The State-Run Media

TU’s 2026 Battle of the Bands lineup

on 27 April 202625 August 2026

Meet this year’s contestants for the Golden Human Spleen! It’s that time of year again, when every student on TU’s…

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Horoscopes
Posted in Satire The State-Run Media

Horoscopes

on 24 April 2026

Aries (March 20-April 19th): This week your professor will cancel a class, but you will not see the email and…

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