There’s no doubt that Oklahoma’s rising earthquake frequency is a sign from God, but there are many different opinions on…
Student doesn’t register to vote, still determined to complain
“Elections,” as Abraham Lincoln once said, “belong to the people.” In the modern political landscape, however, more emphasis seems to…
Bike thief extraordinaire unveils master plan
You probably aren’t reading this story from your bike. Not for the obvious reason that it’s dangerous—we all know you…
Phyllis Schlafly backs Bernie Sanders just to be contrary
In response to feminist icon Gloria Steinem’s recent show of support for Hillary Clinton, notable anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly found herself…
Super-villain claims sole responsibility for global warming
Last Tuesday, in an event that shocked the world, a self-proclaimed “super-villain” floated down from his sky base to make…
Literally everyone but you had a fantastic Valentine’s Day
Once again the anniversary of some dude dying has come and gone. Hallmark and Ghirardelli are sitting nicely on the…
Potential graduates to do battle in gladiator-style arena
For years the University of Tulsa has maintained a troublesome secret graduation requirement: survive. The existence of this requirement, called…
President raises tuition from yacht
President Upham, who has had a total annual compensation of over one million dollars since at least 2008, recently announced…
Clinton/Sanders tie proves your opinion doesn’t matter
As anyone who has at least a remote interest in the future of this country knows, last Monday the Democratic…
State-Run Media Mad-Libs
_______________ introduces new ____________ -ridden mattresses The price of _______ makes up a large amount of both _______ and ______…