Alert! Alert! Be warned, there is a dangerous imposter loose on the Yak! Who dareth takes up the pseudonym of this Writer? All but this one lowly charlatan have been saved from unimaginable consequences thanks to a mere three souls who had the courage and bravery to mention the Weekly Yak and avoid The Writer’s wrath. Instead of spending fall break entertaining various forms of medieval punishments to inflict upon you all, The Writer had the pleasure of attempting to decipher the cryptic email sent by our dear leader, Stacy Leeds. Seriously, Madame President, 14 corporate buzzwords in one email is far too many. But now, I must go back to imagining unimaginable consequences for this fraud. The legal punishment would have sufficed, had I known the tax bracket the imposter falls under.
In more important news, the SGA constitution has passed after almost one thousand days. Huzzah! No but really, it took them three years to write and pass a constitution that gives a veto power to someone who is NOT a student. The founding fathers did that in four months, without AI or Google, while fighting the British,* and their constitution has lasted 250 years! Our student government had access to all the lovely Helmerich desk outlets, spinny chairs and ChatGPT, but it took them three whole years. Get a grip, SGA!
Anywho, fall is in the air — or at least, it was in the air for approximately two (2) days. Students had the opportunity to rest, very briefly, between two weeks of constant exams over fall break (thank you SGA?). Students also clearly had the opportunity to brainstorm some hilarious Yaks, because this edition’s posts were phenomenal! Good job, guys. The Writer is proud. Here are the top Yaks from the weeks of Oct. 12 and 19:
“i love getting random people’s packages its like a reward from the universe”
“All this SGA talk is confusing me. Like how did he amend the Constitution and drop 32 on the Spurs last night?”
“Do the professors have a group chat or something why is every single f*cking exam this week”
“REM in pat case?!?!”
“10 thousand students in the next decade??? no thank you?? they’re gonna be living under the bridges”
“This constitution has terrible marketing, maybe they should have written some federalist papers to make us think it was a good idea”
“If you see me napping in my car, don’t worry I just have a break between my classes and dont want to drive home”
“Save us brad
#wemissyou”
“he cheated on me with a girl whose top spotify artist is ajr”
“the strongest people on campus right now are the ones who don’t own an umbrella”
“I have read more of the SGA constitution tonight then any reading assigned to me this semester”
“‘hope everyone had a restful break’ it was a thursday and friday sir”
“They’re calling it the least productive academic break”
“campus so empty rn the squirrels are walking around like they pay tuition”
If you didn’t make it into this edition, don’t fret! The Writer will continue until graduation. Speaking of which, it’s still not looking too good. I was going to study for my Fall Weathering midterm but it got too hot and The Writer can’t study when they are sweating. Apparently, the temperature in the air (75॰F) does not correlate to my grade (57%F). I wish it did.
See you next week. As always, free Palestine.
- The Writer
*This column has absolutely no historical inaccuracies.
