President and VP-elects intend to focus on increasing senate efficiency with optimism about their fellow executives. After voting took place…
Horoscopes
Aries (March 20-April 19th): Orion’s belt dips ever to the West, putting you in your masculine energy…. or am I…
Horoscopes
Aries (March 20-April 19th): Yeah, yeah, my job is so easy, right? Well I don’t care, I still don’t want…
SGA’s annual sheep throwing competition cancelled
Due to pressure from animal rights groups, the student body president will be chosen via election this year. Since the…
Horoscopes
Aries (March 20-April 19th): The stars predict an important decision in your life this week. Your choice will determine whether…
Horoscopes
Aries (March 20-April 19th): As you return to life as a student, be wary of the dark energy coming off…
Reckless display of power: local badass not even wearing a coat
“I’m not even cold,” boasts nonchalant new King of Sex Ladies, hold onto your panties and fellas, try not to…
Horoscopes
Aries (March 20-April 19th): You guys really didn’t know about Bubba? It must be so weird not having clairvoyance, I’ve…
Democrats move to put government in rice after turning off, on again fails
Consultant Roy Trenneman at Reynholm Industries explains reasons for failure. After turning the government off for a record-breaking 42 days,…
Horoscopes
Aries (March 20-April 19th): I don’t care what the editors say; I’m abusing the semicolon key till it breaks off…