Counterpoint: I hate cinnamon rolls

It’s fine if you like bland white people food. Just say that. When you wake up in the morning to the sweet smell of cinnamon and baked goods wafting through your house, anyone would expect a delicious pastry in their near future. If the amateur cook in your household decided to make cinnamon rolls, you […]

Personal Ad: Chauffeur?

Broke Editor-in-Chief, 20’s, needs intelligent chauffeur who “knows their way around.” Interests include the 2002 version of “The Count of Monte Cristo,” dressing up as Steve Harvey in her personal time (bald cap and everything) and cooking recipes from her grandmother’s age-old cookbook. Lives in the collaborative room of McFarlin Library, where you may hear […]

Students fall on ice and Starship robots roast weenies

TU edges students and prioritizes Starship robot safety

Students experienced a roller coaster of emotions Sunday evening into Monday morning as TU gaslit students into thinking they would be attending classes on Monday. Many would say we were emotional victims in the ever changing position the institution took on when classes would be delayed. Commuters who arrived early to take their 9 a.m. […]

Why is Pat Case really closed?

Emergency repairs? Please. An email was sent out late Thursday evening informing students that Pat Case Dining Center will be closed Friday and Saturday due to emergency repairs. Emergency repairs my ass. TU is known for their vague explanations when things go awry on campus. More often than not, they try to cover up the […]

Professors ask students to tip for their services

Professors ask students to tip after lectures and grading exams because they obviously don’t get paid enough. If you ask the students of TU — or any student anywhere — if professors have it tough, they will say no. However, professors have been silently struggling against skyrocketing inflation and dropping student engagement. TU professors have […]

Rabid lawn Roombas out for blood

The lawn Roombas get a taste for blood. Administration doesn’t care, but what else is new? In August, TU bought two oversized Roombas to mow the grass in the Old U. They were quickly deemed harmless by everyone except the obsessive-compulsive students on campus, who were horrified when they looked upon the vast green and […]

Student guide to using crystals the right way

Local crystal girl shares her expertise because your aura is seriously fucked up. If you’re looking for love this semester, ditch Tinder and stop stalking coffee shop patrons. You’ve “accidentally” spilled scalding hot coffee on enough people and are running out of coffee shops that you aren’t banned from. Just keep some rose quartz in […]