New year, new Bezos: Jeff Bezos rocks a new ‘do in this Bachelor promo. graphic by Conner Maggio

Baezos, the Bachelor that we deserve

There’s one good thing to come out of the richest man in the world’s divorce, and that is a starring role on the hit reality show! While the workers of Amazon will likely see no benefit from Bezos losing half his money, the important thing is that white middle-class America feels victorious watching the billionaire […]

Ted “The Big Pharma” Cruz proposing a bill about removing maximum pharmaceutical price restrictions. graphic by Conner Maggio

Special interests cut out the middle congressman

Due to a new quirk in the election fine print, special interest groups took the places of the representatives they voted for. When the 116th Congress was sworn in earlier this month, it quickly became clear that this will be one of the most diverse classes of lawmakers that Washington D.C. has ever seen. It’s […]

A common friendlighting activity is telling your roommate that it’s in fact their turn to clean (it’s not). graphic by Conner Maggio

The Friendlighting Game — are you mentally prepared?

A new trend sweeping TU’s campus includes a friendly dose of psychological abuse. Fueled by sleep deprivation, “friendlighting” is a brand new game that has made its way to the University of Tulsa. “The rules are simple,” explained psychology major Molly Lewis. “Do whatever it takes to make your friends question their sanity, without causing […]

The millennial effect on consumerism over time. Pan-Am reaches new low: the Kim Kardashian level. graphic by Conner Maggio

5 more surprising things that millennials killed

Millennials are at it again, and you’ll never believe what they killed this time! Every time you look at a newspaper (or Facebook or Apple News or the back of milk cartons or whatever you use for news), millennials are killing something else. The list goes on and on. Applebee’s, starter homes, napkins, cereal, golf, […]

Local coffee roaster begins selling breast milk lattes

A groundbreaking local coffee shop receives praise for its innovative beverage choices. “The nutty notes of oat milk, the thick decadence of goat’s milk and a slight hint of salt make the breast milk latte at LAFA Coffee Roaster a must-buy,” says one Yelp reviewer. LAFA, which opened in Tulsa in 2018, has been heralded […]

Donald “The Duck Face” Trump on our new electoral swiping system. graphic by Conner Maggio

Presidential election: voting done right — Tinder style

You’ll never guess why the 2020 race will be more eventful and steamy than previous elections! After 231 years, the government has decided the old system for electing a president was outdated (finally). No more of that silly plurality voting based on states and an outdated system of electors. That’s for the past. The government […]

As the government falls apart, citizens man battleships, the Statue of Liberty is spray painted and Niagara Falls is full of suds. graphic by Conner Maggio

10 things to try this government shutdown

With the government closed, laws no longer apply. Take advantage with this list of things you’ve always wanted to do. Trump has shut down the government. Now that the feds are dead, state laws are going to come next, followed by local. Behold the New World Order. And since anarchy has finally, by God’s will, […]

Campus Crime Watch

Jan. 7 4:20 a.m. University of Tulsa Campus Security Officers were dispatched to the roof of McFarlin Library to deal with a strange smell. Nearing the roof, the officers reported hearing Pink Floyd increasing in volume. The officers found two students sitting down who looked to be fine. The officers stayed with them to make […]

Poser Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dancing at The Wiggles concert. graphic by Conner Maggio

Ocasio-Cortez caught sinning in newest tweet

This newcomer to the political arena goes viral for all the wrong reasons. How will she recover? Newly elected and recently controversial, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez keeps stirring up drama through her continued existence. A lone Twitter user with an anime icon alleged that AOC wore a “Wiggles” t-shirt to a Wiggles concert when she was nine […]

graphic by Conner Maggio

Move out of the way Ned, there’s a new survival guide in town.

College can be a confusing and emotionally-draining experience, especially for a freshman fresh from mommy and daddy’s nest. In the real world of “adults,” freshmen are mere minnows in an ocean of rambunctious athletes, underrated art majors, impossible professors, screwed up relationships and lack of sleep to the point of becoming the walking dead. On […]