American people say, "Thank you, Trump. VERY COOL." graphic by Conner Maggio

Trump eliminates term limits, has nothing to do with Cohen.

Despite baseless accusations of ulterior motives, Trump takes democracy to greater heights than ever before. In shocking news from this week, President Trump has announced that in a bipartisan effort, Congress has passed an amendment to the Constitution. This new twenty-eighth amendment annuls the 22nd Amendment, essentially eliminating the two term presidential term limit set […]

Feature-length film with no features. graphic by Conner Maggio

“Crazy Poor College Students” to hit theaters next week

The most undercasted demographic will hit Hollywood next week. Despite being a hardworking and attractive group, college students routinely fail to get roles in major movies. The sequel to recent blockbuster “Crazy Rich Asians” will change that. “Crazy Poor College Students” focuses on the glamour of living penniless in dorm rooms. The budget for this […]

Adam Lux post-bus. graphic by Raven Fawcett

Letter from the propagandist

Dear State-Run citizens, I regret to inform you that the previous State-Run Media’s Head Propagandist, Adam Lux, is recently deceased. Just a week before classes started, he was found squashed into the pavement outside Campus Security’s office, flat as the State-Run’s section. Eyewitnesses claim they saw a campus bus run him over on his way […]

A shared toothbrush represents the close bond between roommates. graphic by Conner Maggio

A wise fool’s guide for fresh faced froshes

Freshman advice for living with roommates, passing classes and staying healthy. Hello, new students of TU. I see you’ve picked up The Collegian for a bit of light reading. Was that out of curiosity? Maybe to hide yourself from an awkward situation? Well, no matter; good decision on your part. Now that I’ve got you […]

Letter from the Propagandist

Dear readers, Something is amiss. No, I’m not talking about the threat of nuclear war, or that personal privacy is no longer viable, or that Tristan cheated on Khloe. I’m talking about myself and my position. As I’m sure you all know, in my time as Head Propagandist of the glorious “State-Run Media,” I have […]

Dictator Justin Guglielmetti receiving his pictures of Spidey. Graphic by Conner Maggio

Editor-in-Chief Guglielmetti wants pictures of the Spider-man

The newly hired leader of The Collegian threatens to fire his writers if images of a certain superhero aren’t on his desk by 5 p.m. Guglielmetti has stressed the necessity for a picture of Spiderman in this week’s The Collegian paper. His insisting on photographing the superhero has caused waves in The Collegian office. The […]

State Run’s new social media transparent about sold info

The State-Run has vowed to remain clear on who we are selling out to. With the release of The State-Run Media’s new social media platform, The State-Run Social, we plan on being upfront and honest with our incredible violation of your privacy. We see that the problem with other social media is that they are […]