An IBM drone at work. Graphic by Madeline Woods

IBM releases brain-eating drones, and that’s a good thing

The former tech giant accidentally reveals what it has been working on lately. In a stunning turn of events, International Business Machines has finally shown the public what it actually does. Since creating Watson in 2011, no one knows what IBM does anymore. The three most influential investigators in American politics — the FBI, CIA […]

CoolMath.com corrupted

After a quiet but devious acquisition by Electronic Arts, CoolMath.com has fallen from their pedestal of internet purity. It’s 2005. You’re in the 4th grade and just about to start computer class. The teacher, having already made you take “Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing” and taught you how to use Microsoft Word and Excel, has exhausted […]

#1: Get rid of The Collegian

The Collegian is a complete rag that needs to be driven off of this prestigious campus. First off, The Collegian actually pays their writers with real money. What a bunch of entitled little pricks. They think they deserve monetary reimbursement for their using their time and talents to produce written content? What chumps. Here at […]

#2: TU needs more websites

Everyone knows that the true sign of a good web presence is a large number of disparate, disconnected websites. TU could use some help in this department. The University of Tulsa has a great variety of websites to service its students’ every wish, want and need. And while the current selection is incredibly useful, I […]

#3: Don’t let students park in the lots they paid for … ever

TU is already doing an amazing job of making student parking more complicated than it needs to be, but with some careful planning, all student vehicles could be off campus by 2021. Listen, the University of Tulsa, I see you out there. I gotta say, I really like what you’re doing. Not letting students park […]

Artist’s rendition of a field of $1 bills. Graphic by Conner Maggio

#4: Replace all grass on campus with $1 bills to reduce water usage

To conserve water, we should just replace grass with cash. Students have voiced their concerns for years now: our lawnspace is ridiculous. The university must spend at least a billion dollars on plant care, and students do not want their tuition to go toward a bunch of oxygen-producing leaves. Think about how much we would […]

#5: Replace ACAC with Caf 0.5

TU students are craving more food from the Caf and would much rather have a second Caf than ACAC. Almost every week ends with not enough meal swipes and too many dreaded dining dollars. However, the location of ACAC is so convenient to students that they are forced to eat at these popular chain establishments. […]

#6: More 8 a.m. classes, maybe even 7 a.m.

An increase in the number of 8 a.m. classes students are required to take will improve the quality of lectures, modernize student fashion and have no ill effects on campus mental health. The beloved 8 a.m. makes its way into the average TU student’s schedule once a year or so. Some lucky students get to […]

The Kraken hanging out in her new home. Graphic by Conner Maggio

#9: Make campus less accessible for all students

Students are far too free to just walk around campus willy-nilly. Here are nine ideas to prevent students from getting around campus. The University of Tulsa campus stands as an example for mediocre accessibility. To solve this problem, the school needs to put in the effort to be extraordinary; we must make campus less accessible […]