Breaking News: Lime Scooter Corp. reports a record high for Lime Scooter usage among University of Tulsa students in the wake of its Little League homecoming victory. Students have been seen high-fiving one another from atop their electric scooters and season passes are officially sold out. Allegedly, the return policy for them was mysteriously shredded shortly after. But who would want to return their season passes for the remaining games from the best new Little League squad? The kids need their revenue!
In other news, the college has seen stampedes of yaks being blown away by the wind and swept away from the downpour this past week. Those who mourn the fallen have taken to Yik Yak to memorialize those who were not able to make it to see November. If they had taken the Lime Scooters, maybe the student body would not have had as many losses. Even so, they’ll be taking some more Ls this Saturday.
However, enough with the speculation. That can be saved for the next few stressful weeks, wherein some will worry about a “presidential election,” while others worry about what truly matters: if they appear in The Weekly Yak or not. Will you be one of the select few this week? As always, we refrain from reusing posts that were posted in previous weeks and those in which graphics provide the majority of the context for the posts:
“you know what? They can have the scooters this week. as a reward.” – Tulsa
“Dear TU,
Just because it is cold outside doesn’t mean the heat needs to be set to 80 degrees in every building. I am dying. This is hell.
Best,
Me” – Tulsa
“We… we won?” – Tulsa
“they must have seen God in that halftime locker room” – Tulsa
“Ok guys you can ride the scooters for ONE WEEK!” – donkeyluvesshrek
“I fear burn out is rapidly approaching me” – Tulsa
“I want to know what happened in that locker room during halftime” – Tulsa
“RIP pike, they would’ve loved Halloween” – Tulsa
“Shoutout to the weather for allowing me to put on a fall fit” – Tulsa
“Stealing from people’s offices is CRAZY” – Tulsa
Keep your personal belongings close, and your phone closer so you can Yik Yak about them when they get stolen on campus. These are a few of my favorite things:
“I asked for oat milk… but whatever’s brewing inside of me is saying they did not listen” – Tulsa
“There’s a reason all the fires in the John happen in the kitchen we r men!” – Tulsa
“My poor little car. Driving in this wind feels like I’m in a pinball machine” – Tulsa
“I MADE IT ON THE WEEKLY YAK. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE AND I HAVE REACHED NIRVANA” – Tulsa
“dear footballers, forgive me for I know not what I have yakked.” – Tulsa
Do you want your Yaks to be featured next week on The Collegian? Be funny. Make Hannah laugh. That rarely happens. Free Palestine.
