Promotional graphic for the much anticipated Trump vs Un fight. Graphic by Madeline Woods

Trump and Kim Jong Un to settle differences in cage match

The two beloved politicians will settle their disputes like men next week.

After much deliberation, world leaders have decided that Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump will fight in a cage-match. Both parties agreed to conduct the match during their diplomatic talks about nuclear disarmament.

“I mean, even if neither of them dies, at least the world will be rid of them for a few hours,” explained Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany.
The world’s two favorite leaders are already prepping for the big fight. It is still to be determined where the fight will take place but provided is a serious breakdown of their strengths.

D-Twiddly needs no introduction. He won second place in the 2016 presidential election popular vote.
The Trumpser has been perfecting his moves for the match. Most recently he put the finishing touches on his Twitter-Twister, in which he puts his opponent in a headlock and reads the victim his Tweets. The last five test victims suffered death; one from suffocation and four from suicide.
Russia has taken notice of Trump’s prowess in the ring.

“I told him if he wins, then we can finally be best friends,” said President Putin.

The Don once beat up the CEO of WWE in 2009, giving him about three and a half minutes more professional wrestling time than political experience prior to his election.
Trump seems pretty confident about his odds.

“We beat their country in WWII and the Vietnam War. America will prevail. Also I want only real news programs like Fox to cover me. All those Fake News commies must be on the other guy’s side. And if you are one, APOLOGIZE.” Trump wanted to go on longer, but he was nearing his character limit.
Wrestling experts say Donald “Agent Orange” Trump has an edge against his North Korean counterpart.

The Kim Jong Nuke made his first appearance on the world stage by becoming the fourth most famous dictator in recent memory. As the leader of what the world widely considers the second best Korean country, his power is untold (except by his propaganda machine).

Given his stature, he makes a formidable opponent to DJT, and thus freedom. The stout man puts the tater in dictator. He has the only 100-percent approval rating in the world.

At the world leaders meeting, Xi Jinping of China weighed in on the North Korean’s odds.

“If Un wins, we still get their cheap resources. If they lose, we can just invade them while their Supreme Leader is weak. We can’t lose!”

In his move repertoire, he holds the Prison-Camp Stamp, the Propaganda Pretzel, and the Secret Weapon. Speculation rises on what his secret weapon may be.
Americans fears that it may be nuclear powered. North Koreans believe that it must come from the power of a god.

Whatever the case, the Rocketman himself delivered his thoughts on the upcoming event.

“I learned everything I know about American sports from their president, Dennis Rodman,” said Un last Wednesday.

Another important factor in the fight is age. Trump was 70 years old when he was elected, and it feels like he has been president for about 200 years, for a grand total of 270. This makes Trump about 234 years older than KJU, which is almost long enough to serve an average sentence in a North Korean Prison camp.

You can live-stream the match online on Watching the North Korean coverage may prove difficult, as their broadcasts say Kim Jong Un has already beaten Trump shortly after winning the NBA slam dunk contest.

Post Author: Brennen Gray