In the spirit of TU’s attempt to break the Guinness World Record for largest pizza party, this week’s horoscopes are pizza themed! Don’t worry, I didn’t just make this up, the stars told me so!
Aquarius: No pizza for you this week, Aquarius. I know…it doesn’t make any sense, but you have to trust me on this one. Stick to garlic knots, cheesy bread and maybe even the chicken wings. Other things you should stay away from: clearance racks, small children and anyone riding a bike.
Pisces: It’s time to break out of your shell, Pisces. Enough cheese-only for you. Try something new this week, and don’t be afraid to embrace the unknown. This doesn’t only apply to your pizza choices, but to everything you might encounter this week. If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it, but it might just be broken…
Aries: Stick to what you know this week, Aries, and don’t be discouraged if you find yourself doing the same old, same old. You only order medium one-topping pizzas from Domino’s because they work. What else in your life is working? Take some time to decide what you want for yourself, and if you’re tempted to place a Pizza Hut order because you really want to or because you’re just bored.
Taurus: Host your own pizza party this week, Taurus. Don’t worry about the size, there’s no need to embarrass yourself by trying to break a world record. Reach out to some friends, especially those you haven’t seen in a while. It’s time to reconnect with those closest to you over some sauce, cheese and the toppings of your choice.
Gemini: I’m not sure what to tell you, Gemini. Pizza is a sore subject for you, and you may have to lay low this week. You’re going to be tempted to eat your pizza in public, revealing to the whole world that you support doing so with a hefty sprinkle of pineapple on top. No matter how strong the urge, don’t do it. Stay away from bold choices of all kinds this week, Gemini, the risks are too great.
Cancer: You need a change of scenery this week Cancer, and the perfect way to do this is to stick to unconventional types of pizza. Think pizza rolls, pizza bagels and maybe even a calzone. Invest in all three and craft your very own pizza charcuterie board! This could be the perfect way to create some “me time” this week. Don’t worry about sharing your pizza treats with anyone else Cancer, it’s never selfish to take care of yourself.
Leo: The time is now, Leo. Go all in and try to make your own pizza this week. Handmade dough, tomato sauce with a secret ingredient and whatever toppings you find readily available in the fridge. Don’t get too ambitious but feel free to experiment a little. The same may be applied in the rest of your life; try something new, take pride in your accomplishments, and never forget what the late Chef Gusteau always said, “Anyone can cook.”
Virgo: Share a pizza with someone this week, Virgo. You have something you need to get off your chest and now is just the time to do so. There is no wrong or right way to give someone a slice of what’s been on your mind lately. Just be sure that those you confide in can be trusted, if you make the delivery to the wrong house, well, they may expect free pizza for a year.
Libra: It’s time to get back to the basics and remind yourself what is most important. Forget the frilly specialty pizzas from Andollini’s, you know, the one with the fancy names and indulgent flavors. Head straight to the nearest grocery store and grab a classic Totino’s Party Pizza. Nothing says “what matters most?” like a flaky crust, the world’s thinnest layer of sauce and the taste of childhood. What matters most to you, Libra?
Scorpio: You need to dig deep this week, Scorpio. You’ll soon have some explaining to do, and you need to have your elevator pitch ready. Stick to Lunchables pizza. I know, you think you’re too good for it but I promise the deconstructive element will be helpful. Which ingredient really speaks to you? Why? How do you see yourself within the doughy base, the sort-of-gross-sauce and the powdery cheese? It may be more revealing than you anticipate.
Sagittarius: You need to focus on building a routine this week, Sagittarius. Big changes are coming your way and it’s important to stay grounded. Eat pizza every single day this week for every meal. Feel free to switch up the brands, varieties and flavors but it’s crucial that you commit to the ‘za. Trusting the process is essential.
Capricorn: Your opinions are severely underrated, Capricorn, and this week is the perfect time to make them heard. Start by ranking every pizza restaurant in Tulsa, the local, the non-local, the good, the bad and the ugly. Want to put Papa John’s at the top of that list? You may be horribly, embarrassingly wrong, but you have to own it. Your bravery will inspire others.
