World forgets threat of nuclear holocaust because OMG there’s going to be a new royal baby

In a special White House press briefing on Monday, President Donald Trump stood before the nation to announce that after speaking at length with North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un, the two have finally agreed upon nuclear disarmament. Responding to a question about the terms of the agreement, Trump said:
“Well, I saw on the television today that there’s going to be a new royal baby, so I thought to myself, ‘Don, all this stuff with the nukes and missiles? No one’s going to be paying attention to that now. Better just call it quits. Focus on something else.’ So I got Mr. Kim on the phone and he completely agreed.”
Trump declined to comment on what he now plans to focus on.
With economic sanctions doing nothing to deter the nuclear ambitions of North Korea and the promise of “fire and fury” from President Trump in return, the continued escalation of tension between the two countries seemed inevitable. But now that the Duchess of Cambridge is expecting her third child, the world can now breathe a collective sigh of relief.
“I’m just so happy to be of help.” said Kate Middleton in an impromptu meeting with the press. “Getting the attention of the entire world is sort of my speciality. I just hope George and Charlotte don’t become jealous of their new sibling because their own births didn’t stop the nuclear annihilation of the planet.”
Middleton is now five weeks pregnant with possibly the single most important piece of diplomacy to come out of the United Kingdom in the last 100 years. With all eyes fixed on her new baby, no world leader will dare try to take attention away from it. It is safe to say that the Earth is entering a new era of world peace and people are most definitely pleased.
“Oh yeah, yeah I’m so down for the world peace!” said student Leslie Donovan. “But even more so for the little babe coming into this world! I just love babies!”
“Sure, things are looking great now that the baby’s just a sweet bundle of nerves,” said Marcus Kant, “but what about when Kate gets a sonogram? It might be a girl! You think Trump and Kim are just going to stay quiet while a chick steals their thunder?”
All this aside, there are still questions that need to be answered. When is Kate’s due date? Where will the baby be born? What will they name the baby? Who will be the baby’s godparents? What does this mean for the royal line of succession? All of these concerns and more must be addressed if the public is to remain distracted.

Post Author: tucollegian