The day after the inauguration of our 45th President of the United States, a large group of women gathered to march in Washington D.C. and in cities across the US, including Tulsa.

While some people might claim that this march was for “equal rights” and to protest a president who has proven himself to be “misogynistic” the true purpose of this protest was to attack masculinity, and it succeeded.

You read that correctly. Ever since the march all masculine activities have ceased. No one has chugged beer out of a can and then thrown the crumpled can out the window of the Ford Super Duty they’re driving. No one has been seen shirtless and covered in grease as they work on their 1972 Firebird. And no one has spent too time and money making a piece of furniture from scratch when they could have just bought the same piece from a store.

The battle is over and masculinity has lost. From now on men will be required to give equal weight to the opinions and ideas of their female peers as they do to their male peers. Males will now be required to respect female authority figures with the same magnitude as they do their male authority figures. And possibly worst of all, men will no longer receive more compensation than a woman for a certain type or amount of work. Clint Eastwood reportedly said “ It truly is a sad, sad day in history.”

So fellow men, grab yourselves an appletini, buy yourself a Porsche (but not a 911) and watch some Real Housewives because that’s just the way the world is now.