Seven fast facts about the presidential alerts

Confused about this new presidential power? Look no further than our reliable list. 1. It set the record for largest mass ghosting. Our dear president was ghosted 225 million times in under 24 hours, barely squeaking by the former record held by a haunted mansion. No word yet on how POTUS will respond to the […]

Gaslite, a liquor store with a long Oklahoman history, could meet its end under the new liquor legislation. courtesy Gaslite Liquor Store Facebook

New liquor laws affect stores

Larger supermarkets can hope for a profit upswing, but smaller liquor stores may suffer For many years, Americans performed a slightly taboo ritual of driving up to the liquor store, buying a bottle of booze in a brown paper bag, and going home to throw it in the refrigerator. Since State Question 792 was passed, […]

The Bleacher Creature

With Brennen Gray as the Feature Creature. No More Talk Ken Griffey Jr. has some news for the stuffy oldheads who seemingly populate the majority of baseball media and front offices: let the kids play! In a new MLB-produced ad for the postseason, the legendary outfielder lists off a number of the supposedly cardinal sins […]

GanDILF, a regular Bob Ross (no additional sexiness needed) and a sultry bear party it up for Halloween. graphic by Conner Maggio

Top 10 sexiest Halloween costumes

Here are a few Halloween costumes that are not irreverent or disrespectful in any way (and definitely not stupid). 1. Sexy Gandalf — Three words: Just. The. Beard. You’ll be covered by a gray mane of magical follicle-produced hair that should cover up all the necessities. You shall not pass as a party pooper with […]

The Bleacher Creature

Justin Guglielmetti is the Bleacher Creature. I’m with Vontae Hot topic of the week: is Vontae Davis a li’l bitch? The two-time Pro Bowl cornerback shocked the sports world when he abruptly retired during halftime of the Buffalo Bills’ loss to the Los Angeles Chargers. Davis said that he was simply “done,” and he described […]

The Bleacher Creature

Justin Guglielmetti is the Bleacher Creature, with Brennen Gray as the Feature Creature. Big Sexy Hey gang, we’re back. I’m sorry it’s been a hot second there, but there have been things to do, places to see, bleachers to creach. Don’t worry though, I promise that I won’t leave you again until the next time […]

Targeted ads single out singles, damage self-esteem

Russians send targeted ads to prey on this under-reproducing population. Targeted ads really suck, man. I have never bought even half of the items marketed to me, so this must be a spyware thing the Russians came up with. First and foremost, I am sick of the dating site ads. Every time I see a […]

Ronaldo eats Mbappe's energy as Greivious struts around. graphic by Conner Maggio

Professional sports crystal ball, September edition

Student writers Andrew Noland and Chris Lierly, Sports Editor Brennen Gray and Editor-in-Chief Justin Guglielmetti give their predictions for the coming months in professional sports. NHL Season Kicks Off with a Bang Holy zamboni, it’s almost hockey season! I know most sports fans in Oklahoma don’t really keep up with the slipperiest sport this side […]

Quiz: how much debt you gonna have?

A 100-percent accurate calculation for how deep of a hole you are digging. Where did you sleep? 1. Lol, sleep? 2. Couch surfing in dorm lobbies 3. Off-campus housing 4. I bought a house 5. On-campus housing What meal plan did you purchase? 1. Only the scraps left after RA programs 2. Ramen 3. Fast […]