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743 posts
#5: Replace ACAC with Caf 0.5
Posted in State-Run

#5: Replace ACAC with Caf 0.5

on 2 April 2018

TU students are craving more food from the Caf and would much rather have a second Caf than ACAC. Almost…

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#6: More 8 a.m. classes, maybe even 7 a.m.
Posted in State-Run

#6: More 8 a.m. classes, maybe even 7 a.m.

on 2 April 2018

An increase in the number of 8 a.m. classes students are required to take will improve the quality of lectures,…

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#9: Make campus less accessible for all students
The Kraken hanging out in her new home. Graphic by Conner Maggio
Posted in State-Run

#9: Make campus less accessible for all students

on 2 April 2018

Students are far too free to just walk around campus willy-nilly. Here are nine ideas to prevent students from getting…

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#7: Let’s take TU and push it  somewhere else!
PUUUUUUUUUUSHH!!!!!!!!!!! Graphic by Conner Maggio
Posted in State-Run

#7: Let’s take TU and push it somewhere else!

on 2 April 2018

TU is a great school in maybe not the best location. Here are five locations where TU could thrive. Who…

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#8: Make dining dollars great again
Posted in State-Run

#8: Make dining dollars great again

on 2 April 20182 April 2018

Dining dollars don’t have enough buying power, specifically buying power for prescription drugs. Since the beginning of dining dollars, students…

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TU student pulled over by Campo for speeding on wheelchair
Photo of Carter going 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds. Graphic by Conner Maggio
Posted in State-Run

TU student pulled over by Campo for speeding on wheelchair

on 12 March 2018

TU student Margret Carter got out of a speeding ticket by having a wheelie contest with the officer who pulled…

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This man took away your healthcare, what happens next will warm your heart!
Posted in State-Run

This man took away your healthcare, what happens next will warm your heart!

on 12 March 2018

The lack of healthcare will have you literally dying. You break out in a cold sweat in the middle of…

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On-campus speakeasy run by Campo
Photo of the underground speakeasy run by Campus Security. Graphic by Conner Maggio
Posted in State-Run

On-campus speakeasy run by Campo

on 12 March 2018

The more alcohol the better, say undercover Campus Security officers. All names have been changed to protect the identities and…

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Trump bans “here’s how Bernie can still win” memes
Posted in State-Run

Trump bans “here’s how Bernie can still win” memes

on 12 March 2018

In the wake of his divisive executive order, Trump himself could face jail time for making Bernie memes. “I’m not…

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Trump and Kim Jong Un to settle  differences in cage match
Promotional graphic for the much anticipated Trump vs Un fight. Graphic by Madeline Woods
Posted in State-Run

Trump and Kim Jong Un to settle differences in cage match

on 12 March 2018

The two beloved politicians will settle their disputes like men next week. After much deliberation, world leaders have decided that…

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