Global warming is one of the greatest challenges to our future. But there’s more than one side to this story.
Ever since learning about climate change and how global warming is a scam created by the Chinese to sell fans in the 6th grade, I knew that there was something fishy about it, and not just the millions of dead fish that are washing ashore. How can something so horrible be happening to our planet? Well, simply put, it’s not, and the real truth may shock and surprise you.
A recent Harvard study concluded that 99 percent of orphans believe in climate change, and the reason behind that is simple: they do not have a dad to yell at them for touching the thermostat. However, your chances of having a dad and not believing in climate change are 50 percent. If we expound on that statistic, we see that the half the participants that do not believe in climate change lived in houses without thermostats or with partially absent fathers.
The evidence is overwhelming. Obviously if you have a present father figure and a thermostat, you will not believe in climate change. The reasoning behind the thought is simple. If God is the Father of the human race, then why would he let them touch the thermostat? That would not make any sense, therefore the current “climate change” is just God trying to save on his electricity bill, which he pays every month with his own God-based currency. Say you do not believe in the divine; well, the universe has to run based on some principles and laws, which do not want to have to pay for your transgressions against nature, so they turn the heat up to try to get all the humans and corporations to chill out for like 10 millennia.
So then what is climate change? Well it must be a conspiracy to get us to treat the Earth better, an agenda pushed by dirty liberals trying to sell you trees. What else could it possibly be? We know it is not greenhouse gases because the studies and research done by scientists show there is no link between holes in the atmosphere and anything humans have ever done. A special thanks to all the oil companies that funded such brilliant research. So greenhouse gas must be caused by all these trees that are being grown everywhere by liberal goons, who are just trying to save the environment, those fiends!
Indisputably climate change is happening, but if we band together and don’t touch the thermostat of the Earth, we will all be safe from the wrath of God.