To whom it may concern,
I have served you well during my time as the head propagandist. After months of tireless dedication to the truth, I am writing this letter to let the public know of my resignation. The State has done me well, but there are bigger, better, less government-sanctioned things for me to move on to.
In article after article, I have opposed citizen-led papers, but I am now excited to announce my position as the news editor of The State-Run’s biggest competition, The Collegian! Followers, don’t see it as me selling out. See it as a financially-driven decision to making money-angels and Porsche drives full of happiness.
In the past, I have accused The Collegian of spewing fake news. Now that I work for them, I agree wholeheartedly with every single decision they have made and every article published ever. This is not at all related to my career change from the real news to the fake news — I mean, from the fake news to the real news.
I don’t call The State-Run fake news because my current employer is now my competition and believes the opposite of everything The Collegian says. That would be completely unethical and would never happen in the real world.
So please, my many dedicated followers, accompany me in my transition. I won’t forget you when I make it big.
Former Head Propagandist