Big changes are coming to TU; here’s how to fit in with your new college.
On Thursday, Dr. Clancy announced the University of Tulsa’s True Commitment, a plan that led to budget cuts and consolidations all around. There were many changes that were released, but the one that has most students scratching their heads is the new Professional Super College. This new college combines the Oxley College of Health Sciences, the Collins College of Business and the College of Law. With all these new changes, I have created a guide to what everyone needs to know to fit right in at the new Professional Super College.
First off, fashion attire. It’s different in the Super College. Don’t worry — for super business casual, you can still wear your spandex. T-shirts with your professional super symbol are also perfectly fine, but you still need shoes, even if your professional super suit has them “built in”.
For a super business professional, yes, ties are a must, but we know the Professional Super College (PSC) logo capes are required on every third Tuesday (Super Tuesday). So make sure that your tie and cape complement each other (they don’t have to be the exact same shade of mauve, but they should be close).
For super business formal, only half masks are allowed, and the closer they look to the Phantom of the Opera masks (in your super colors, of course), the better. Super suits (tuxedos, of course) are required, and only one-shoulder capes are allowed (less than three-feet long) in your tertiary super color.
Now, I know all the woke PSC students know about Edna Mode’s opinions on capes (“caught in a jet turbine” and all that), but honestly I don’t see the logic in her argument at all. Since there aren’t any philosophy majors to back up her argument, the PSC went full steam ahead with the monogrammed capes.
Now that attire is out of the way, it’s time to get to nitty-gritty: professional super powers. While no one is quite sure what the health science students do in their magical building downtown, as part of the PSC, there is a new task for every freshman: create the professional super serums for the rest of the incoming class. These might range widely from some extra alcohol from that party last night to a unique mixture that definitely has something radioactive in it.
One of the new university studies courses only for PSC students is to figure out how to work these new powers and identify their secret identity, or as some of the students prefer to refer to it: their super businessona. These classes are unique in that they have some aspects that aren’t found anywhere else anymore, including working on designing costumes, determining what color palette is most compatible with your professional super powers and designing your professional secret symbol.
With all the new professional super things to learn and deal with in the PSC, I hope this guide is helpful in fitting in. Don’t forget to bribe the right health sciences student for a good serum and never choose chartruice as a super color, and you should fit right in at the PSC!