Kevin Stitt shocks the state of Oklahoma with the legalization of Schedule 1 drugs and his insistence that “only pussies…
Student who hasn’t done the reading “just piggybacking off of that”
Great day for underclassmen everywhere: big words do equal participation credit. According to inside sources, a student productively added to…
Horoscopes
Come get your horoscope! Aries – Eek! Blasted warlock sentenced you to the Dream Realm; the purple haze and its…
‘Phantom feces’ case remains unsolved
Most fecal matter in doggie doo station on campus are from a single, unlocated northern white rhino. On Sept. 18,…
Horoscopes
Aries: As a masochist, you will be very aroused this week. Take that as you will. Taurus: This week will…
You’re still struggling? Jesus fucking Christ ….
TU administration assures students their mental health is definitely totally 100% a priority for someone. The question of how student…
“Dear Evan Hansen” teaches local man to weaponize mental illness
The film preaches many moral messages, but best of all, it teaches how to up your manipulation game. Broadway sensation…
TU Administration shrugs off COVID-19 concerns
Amidst the spread of the contagious Delta variant, TU offers advice to older professors teaching in-person classes: “Ah, well. Good…
TU replaces Blue Light Phones with epic prank
Does this make you ragequit, Batman? Once passive, unspoken guardians of the campus, the Blue Light Phones have been drastically…
Hurricane Heartbreak: counteracting breakups with EX-orcisms
This week’s weekly email from TU attempts to tackle breakups and shares healthy ways for students to overcome heartache and…