Art is dead, and we do ourselves no favors in erasing the last vestiges of the Renaissance. To anyone who…
Mandatory alcohol training inspires drinking game
The mandatory training on alcohol safety is due next Wednesday. Here’s a new training-based drinking game to get you through…
Governor Stitt bans alcohol, legalizes recreational LSD, weed and shrooms
Kevin Stitt shocks the state of Oklahoma with the legalization of Schedule 1 drugs and his insistence that “only pussies…
Student who hasn’t done the reading “just piggybacking off of that”
Great day for underclassmen everywhere: big words do equal participation credit. According to inside sources, a student productively added to…
Horoscopes
Come get your horoscope! Aries – Eek! Blasted warlock sentenced you to the Dream Realm; the purple haze and its…
‘Phantom feces’ case remains unsolved
Most fecal matter in doggie doo station on campus are from a single, unlocated northern white rhino. On Sept. 18,…
Horoscopes
Aries: As a masochist, you will be very aroused this week. Take that as you will. Taurus: This week will…
You’re still struggling? Jesus fucking Christ ….
TU administration assures students their mental health is definitely totally 100% a priority for someone. The question of how student…
“Dear Evan Hansen” teaches local man to weaponize mental illness
The film preaches many moral messages, but best of all, it teaches how to up your manipulation game. Broadway sensation…
TU Administration shrugs off COVID-19 concerns
Amidst the spread of the contagious Delta variant, TU offers advice to older professors teaching in-person classes: “Ah, well. Good…
