It’s now easier than ever to give an honest kiss to your homie with no one batting an eye. Whether…
Unheard of: student only sleeps four hours
Student announces he only slept four hours last night, shocking his peers. Local business student Cody Montgomery was sent to…
Area 51 raid: the “Naruto” rundown
Don’t rely on the fake news media, get the inside scoop on the Area 51 raid. Last Friday the internet…
“Uncle” Joe Biden trapped in 2012 time loop
Biden’s either a time lord or it’s time to send him to a home. If you’ve watched the recent Democratic…
Okla. schools in shambles after Hooters shuts down
Public schools are scrambling to teach sexual education in the wake of breasturant closings. Oklahoma’s hands have been forced in…
Career advice for a doomed generation
We have what, maybe 30 years left? Your career decisions are obviously very important. Climate change, nuclear warfare and other…
Anti-Vaxx, Pro-Zombie rally
White California moms stage protest to fight their fascist overlords. Early Tuesday morning, hundreds of anti-vaxx parents materialized in the…
Mass shooting solution: Ban people
Banning guns is out of the question, so obviously we should ban any and all targets. Congress, in its ultimate…
White Claw Hard Seltzer shortage explained
There ain’t no laws when you’re drinking claws, but what if there are no claws left? Breaking news: there is…
Horoscopes
Gather round, ye olde Pagans! As Taurus enters Uranus (or is that the other way around … I’m new at…