Freshman advice for living with roommates, passing classes and staying healthy.
Hello, new students of TU. I see you’ve picked up The Collegian for a bit of light reading. Was that out of curiosity? Maybe to hide yourself from an awkward situation? Well, no matter; good decision on your part. Now that I’ve got you here, stick around for a bit and let me impart some of the wisdom that I’ve gained since braving my own first year of university.
Now, you might be nervous about living with someone else for the first time, especially if they’re a stranger. You’re thinking, “Gosh, I barely know this person, and now I’m going to be flossing my pearly whites in front of them every night?” While I understand your concern, there is a very simple way to get over this awkwardness. The trick is to throw away all sense of boundaries. Intense and immediate emotional bonding is a great way to pass that first hurdle on the way to best friendship. You can quickly achieve this by insisting on doing everything with them. Watch them sleep soundly through the night to show how much you care. Go through their stuff and trade socks! Always greet them with a tight hug, no matter the occasion! They’ll feel like a sibling in no time.
This isn’t high school anymore. Things are going to be much tougher this semester, but you don’t have to suffer any more than necessary. Forget studying; the real trick to keeping your GPA up is to never look at it! How can you have possibly done poorly on that midterm if you never checked your score? Boom. Enjoy graduating summa cum laude.
Did you know that college calories don’t actually count? It is scientific fact that between the ages of 18 and 22, the average human metabolic rate increases so dramatically that the body is practically always in a calorie deficit. So make the most of these years and pig out! Pro-tip: you cannot physically be sad if you have pizza in your hand.
Take my advice and this first year will be an absolute breeze! Or I guess you could ignore it, fail all your classes and have to drop out two months into the semester. Your mom will be so proud.