Minor inconveniences stack up to a fight to the death. This is a chronicle of the events of room 220.…
Students feel the brunt of the blunt
Harmless plant renders hundreds of students felons. During the first day of class, President Clancy delivered a stern message regarding…
Trump eliminates term limits, has nothing to do with Cohen.
Despite baseless accusations of ulterior motives, Trump takes democracy to greater heights than ever before. In shocking news from this…
“Crazy Poor College Students” to hit theaters next week
The most undercasted demographic will hit Hollywood next week. Despite being a hardworking and attractive group, college students routinely fail…
Letter from the propagandist
Dear State-Run citizens, I regret to inform you that the previous State-Run Media’s Head Propagandist, Adam Lux, is recently deceased.…
A wise fool’s guide for fresh faced froshes
Freshman advice for living with roommates, passing classes and staying healthy. Hello, new students of TU. I see you’ve picked…
Best places to have a mental breakdown on campus
Make the most of your time here with this breakdown of breakdown spots. As a college student, it is inevitable…
Letter from the Propagandist
Dear readers, Something is amiss. No, I’m not talking about the threat of nuclear war, or that personal privacy is…
Editor-in-Chief Guglielmetti wants pictures of the Spider-man
The newly hired leader of The Collegian threatens to fire his writers if images of a certain superhero aren’t on…
Tech CEOs compete to send Trump to space
The American people are ready to relive the ‘60’s arms race, with Bezos and Musk squabbling to launch the president…