Has anyone ever noticed how scary Oliphant is when the lights are out? Maybe it’s because I’m being held here against my will, but the building has an eerie feel about it. Hello, it’s the Head Propagandist here for the spring 2016 semester.
I trust everyone had a good winter break. I, for one, had a wonderful vacation, all things considered. See, as editor for the State-Run Media, the administration won’t let me leave. I haven’t seen my family since this summer. But even amidst these bizarre times I find myself in, things are going pretty well.
For Christmas, I was allowed to leave my office and look out the front doors of Oliphant at the beautiful edifice of the Physical Plant. I never realized until that day how wonderful a building it is, with its big limestone walls and industrial-looking pipes twisting about behind glass windows. I would have liked to see more, but unfortunately I had to return to my office. Ever since then the windows have been bolted shut, so I guess it’ll probably be another year before I can venture out again.
For the New Year, the shadowy figures who control the State-Run Media brought in a newspaper from last winter. I’m not quite sure what this gesture means, but I think I’ll choose to interpret it as benevolent. Maybe I’m supposed to be reporting on something in that paper…? Nothing was circled, it wasn’t open to any page in particular. What do I do with it? I’m not quite sure.
Actually, a few days after the semester started a similar incident occurred. I was in my office, contemplating the far too short life of the former Propagandist and what his unfortunate end might mean for me, when I heard a thump outside the window. When I looked to investigate, I discovered a damp sack lying on the ground. I opened it and, lo and behold, it was full of soaking wet newspapers from 2014. But I don’t think I was supposed to read them, because when I went to pick one up it was so waterlogged it just fell apart, making a thick “splat” as it hit the rest of the stack.
What does this mean? Why do I keep getting these old newspapers? Maybe I’ll find the answers if this goes on for long enough. Until then, however, I’ll just faithfully continue publishing the news I’m presented with every week. I hope it’s helpful to you readers.