Russian dopers caught curling

The elite junkies were seen illegally playing a sport.

The Russian Doping Team found themselves amid Olympics-related controversy for the third time this decade.
Last year, several dopers were caught playing Olympic sports. Officials caught two of their most elite junkies giggling down a luge run.

“I just love rainbow road, man,” said professional doper Albert Demchenko at the time. His relay partner Tatiana Ivanovo declined to comment because she had an emergency case of the munchies.
The shame Russia faced for competing in sports in the past was amplified when they learned they could send real athletes to compete in the Olympics this year, but not under the Russian flag, but instead, a steroid syringe crossed with a marijuana leaf over red white and blue horizontal stripes.

The culprits, Alexander Krushelnitsky and Iva Baddic, two of Russia’s most prominent professional dopers, were found inside the Olympic village using clothes irons and house brooms to curl.

Officials, who were the first to arrive on the scene and made the initial security call, were found joining in the game by security officers who arrived shortly after. The officials later failed their drug tests.

“Look, man, it was a good time. We wanted to use the skeleton guys as curling stones since they could steer themselves, but they weren’t feeling it, man,” said Krushelnitsky at the press conference held after the Russian doper was stripped of his medals.

The winners of this illegal game have not yet been released. It is also unclear which curlers were the most stoned.

Some wonder if the tendency to play sports instead of do drugs is an inherently Russian habit. Something about their environment may breed this illicit behavior.

“Dude, sometimes, bro, ya just gotta realize that the dudes up there in Russia have been on the white powder, instead of the white powder, bruh,” commented American-born Olympic Athlete of Russia Vic Wild. He won two gold medals in snowboarding in 2014 in the country formerly known as Russia. He also won a silver in longest title. The Internet is still debating whether his stoner dialect comes from snowboarding or from drugs.

Some athletes have gone through extraordinary lengths to smuggle sporting equipment. A few have been caught with curling stones in their stomachs or skis in their rectal cavities. Others were caught with brooms while trying to board a plane and were immediately banned from travel. Airports in Russia have started cracking down on guns being taken on planes because of their increasing use for the biathlon.

The Olympic committee will go into deliberation in due time as to whether Russia is a safe country for drugs anymore. Their decision could also impact whether they will be able to host again. Fans believe that the curling incident will hang over them for generations to come.

The incident has raised controversy over the role that playing Olympic sports has had in Russian Doping activities.

The Russians will appeal their ban within the next couple of years to dope another day.

Post Author: Brennen Gray