Trump starts to build bridges, not walls

20 February 2017
James Leahy, Fake student writer

Trump has decided to start making concessions to those he considers his enemies; the first is a one-way highway into Mexico.

Ever since Donald Trump’s election to the oval office, many Americans have been concerned for the future of their country. Libbey Real from Berkeley, California said, “Trump is the worst thing to happen to this country since slavery.” And according to recent research by an unbiased source called “The Liberal Left,” citizens are only becoming more concerned.

President Trump’s recent actions of initiating the building of a United States-Mexico wall, banning immigration from seven largely muslim nations, and attempting to punish cities friendly to immigrants have led to increased criticism by the public. Many are claiming President Trump has done nothing but put up walls both psychological and physical and destroyed the bridges that connect people and communities.

Trump has responded to these comments on Twitter with an articulate masterpiece of communication using only 5 of the 140 available characters: “Wrong.” When asked by the State-Run Media to elaborate, Trump said, “I build walls, great walls. It’s true. It’s gonna be great. However, I also build bridges.” President Trump went on to tell the State-Run Media about his plans for a bridge connecting the United States to Mexico.

“It’s gonna be massive. It’ll be a twenty-lane masterpiece of one-way traffic out of San Jose, California and into Mexico,” said President Trump. The bridge will be named “The Trash Chute.” President Trump announced plans of offering free one-way bus tickets to immigrants for crossing the bridge. When asked how the buses would be brought back to America on a one-way bridge, Trump responded, “America doesn’t want back any buses that have been contaminated by illegal immigrants.”

After heated debate among his inner council, President Trump begrudgingly added a free meal at a Mexican IHOP of one’s choosing to sweeten the deal for immigrants using the bridge. “I hate to waste US tax dollars on free IHOP meals for people who illegally snuck into our country, but I just don’t see another way,” said Trump. When criticized about the wasting of US taxpayer money on massive bridges and walls, Trump said “wrong” and abruptly ended the interview.