A TU senior is in critical condition after a freshman refuses to listen to their advice about college. A University…
Saudi oilfield explosion: TU stock down
TU is in dire straits without a steady flow of oil money. Wall Street was the most silent it has…
Trump drops 2020 presidential bid; Democrats rescind impeachment inquiry
Now that Trump’s no longer a threat, Democrats have dropped their investigation into him. In a shocking turn of events,…
TU profs. introduce art engineering program
Concerned for the disappearance of the arts, professors have come up with a new degree program to ensure its survival.…
New scientific developments in study of “no homo”
It’s now easier than ever to give an honest kiss to your homie with no one batting an eye. Whether…
Unheard of: student only sleeps four hours
Student announces he only slept four hours last night, shocking his peers. Local business student Cody Montgomery was sent to…
Area 51 raid: the “Naruto” rundown
Don’t rely on the fake news media, get the inside scoop on the Area 51 raid. Last Friday the internet…
“Uncle” Joe Biden trapped in 2012 time loop
Biden’s either a time lord or it’s time to send him to a home. If you’ve watched the recent Democratic…
Okla. schools in shambles after Hooters shuts down
Public schools are scrambling to teach sexual education in the wake of breasturant closings. Oklahoma’s hands have been forced in…
Career advice for a doomed generation
We have what, maybe 30 years left? Your career decisions are obviously very important. Climate change, nuclear warfare and other…