Halloween’s just around the corner! Need an easy costume? Keep on reading!
Everyone loves Do It Yourself pages on the internet, especially when it’s almost Halloween and it’s a scramble for some last minute costumes. The problem is, the writers of those DIY Halloween costume pages seem to think the average American is a MacGyver-level tinkerer. Some of those costumes would take a professional tailor at least a full day to make. So, to make fun of these overly complicated costume ideas, here is The State-Run Media’s DIY Halloween costume suggestion list!
Jon Snow from “Game of Thrones” – It’s the first Halloween since the show closed up, so this is a must.
Beginning with the cloak, we can do better than some IKEA rugs here; you have to actually slay an animal and dye its fur black. Double points for killing a black bear since you can skip the dyeing process. Assuming you kill a snow leopard or something, you will also have to ink a giant squid to get the dye.
Now time for the sword. Build a forge. Then come back and read this article. I’ll grab a snack in the meantime.
Welcome back! OK, now time to forge the sword. Melt down some horseshoes and a few aluminum cans. We’re looking for a couple thousand degrees Fahrenheit here. Then pour that into a mold, let it cool and take it to the anvil. Hammer it out, and you should be good.
Once you have the cloak and sword, you buy the rest of the costume at Party City or something.
Spider-Man – The most popular Halloween costume.
I mean, all you have to do is get some spandex and some silly string. That’s it right? WRONG! We’re doing this right or not at all.
First, construct a small nuclear reactor in your dorm or apartment. Next, find a spider. This part may be difficult, so here are some tips. Make sure you go for the larger ones, not only are they easier to catch but they are also less venomous. Secondly, grab more than one spider just in case something goes wrong with your nuclear accident.
All right, now accidentally expose your spider to an ungodly amount of nuclear radiation and have it bite you. When you develop your super spider powers, you can finally make or buy your spider costume.
Dionysus – The life of the party.
First, get drunk. Really drunk. No, I mean really drunk. You absolutely may not make this costume while sober to any degree.
Excellent. Next try to make a toga from a bed sheet. Doing this while drunk is going to be hard, so I’ll give you some time.
Done? Great, now for the easy part. Go to Greece and harvest a wearable laurel from someone’s garden. Of course, you can’t drive to Greece since you’re intoxicated, so instead of a car, you should find a friend with a boat.
Sail across the Atlantic, grab that plant and sail back in time for Halloween!
The Devil – Not a sexy one, so get your minds out of the gutter.
First things first, kill a few people. Then voice any opinion on Facebook at all. Just to seal the deal, spend so much time texting on your phone during a red light that you forget to pull forward on green, dooming everyone behind you to another lifetime sitting in traffic.
Once you get to hell, bribe the Devil to come topside. How you accomplish this is up to you, so use your imagination! I suggest cookies.
Last things last, Parent Trap that guy! Switch places with him and have him go in your place. As the Devil.
Sexy Mind Flayer from “Stranger Things” – This will be the hardest.
Let’s start with the arms. Grab a ton of black tube socks. Then stuff them with newspaper (the only practical use for a school paper) and sew those onto the back and sides of a sweater.
Now for the mouth. Grab a black ski mask and throw that on. The find some soft dentures and remove all the fake teeth, preferably with a knife. Then grab some extra-large toothpicks and jam them into the gums one by one. You’ll need a couple hundred.
You’ll need some height too. Cut some two by fours to about three feet long a piece. Paint them black. Once you’re done with that, slip them up your trousers you’re done!
Now make that thing sexy. Told you this one was hard.
Whatever you decide to do this spooky season, have fun with it. But if you google some fun DIY tutorials, be prepared for some far more difficult projects than these!