It’s been a full week since Rush Week, and it’s clear that the only thing people have been rushing to do is switch from their Indeed tab to their Wattpad tab. I’ll give out a free piece of advice, which is to not hand out fanfiction instead of your short resume at the career fair this week. There were so many new, creative works published online this week, and I’m – for once – glad that no one’s digital footprint is getting updated with the completely vile things that I witnessed on my screen this week. With that being said: keep it up, everyone. I love having new content.
Along with the throes of fart – I mean, frat – talk and ship wars, talks of Victory Night were rampant. Almost as rampant as the odors of the newest additions to the College of Engineering & Computer Science and the restrooms of Fisher Suites after meatloaf night at Pat Case. Here at TU, you win some, you lose most, and it’s ironic that the most things you lose will be on Victory Night, whether it’s that Esco Bar you’ve kept in your bra since eighth grade or your heterosexuality after re-enacting that fanfiction you fantasized to your frat brother about. I’ll just be glad I sat on the sidelines of that, dutifully pounding at my keys until the deadline for this article to be submitted to the dutiful editors of The Collegian.
Enough smack talk; it’s time for The Weekly Yak and the top 10 posts from Yik Yak this past week! As always, we refrain from reusing posts that were posted in previous weeks and those in which graphics provide the majority of the context for the posts:
“Pike more like poop” – Tulsa
“Holy [redacted] holy [redacted] holy [redacted] recruitment starts today I’ve dreamed of joining sig nu every day since I was 3.” – Tulsa
“Yall telling me the athletics department got a 30 million donation and the only thing you’re good at is riding scooters to a class that’s a 2 min walk” – Tulsa
“Just got kicked out of kep for wearing deodorant to class” – Tulsa
“Tips for freshman girlies on victory night!! – keep your friends close, pour your drinks into a yeti with a lid, and stay away from here! (blue heart emoji) (yellow heart emoji)” – Tulsa
“TU will admit 400 bisexual freshman and then act surprised when bicycles start going missing. What did you think they were going to do to them???” – Tulsa
“Wearing no makeup for the next two days so when i do it for victory night i feel 10x hotter” – Tulsa
“Someone vandalized a lovely mansion by hanging a rush pike sign from the roof” – Tulsa
“Pulled up to Greek Life and there was no yogurt or Gyros” – Tulsa
“To all the freshman doing rush/recruitment. The only reason houses talk [redacted] and spread rumors about other houses is because they know they suck and have nothing better to say about themselves. Don’t listen to the [redacted] and go with your gut.” – Tulsa
In case you haven’t had enough, here are some more of my opinions. This time, they take the form of my favorite posts from this week:
“Pike. More like penis (or smth I’m just farming yakarma)” – Tulsa
“Rush dui”
“They got antifreeze in the new acac market, glad to see they’re diversifying their beverage options!” – Tulsa
“Pat Case chili, a forbidden love for which the punishment is spending shiternity in the porcelain prison” – Tulsa
“I’m no psych major but something is wrong” – Tulsa
I don’t take bribes, but shoutouts sometimes brighten my week:
“Guys my roommate reads all the yik yaks from the collegian newspaper pls upvote this so it makes it in the new edition!!! Hi H.M, look i’m famous!!” – Tulsa
Do you want your Yaks to be featured next week on The Collegian? Be funny. Make Hannah laugh. That rarely happens. Free Palestine.
